he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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