your parents love me but you hate me
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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