She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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