Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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