Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
