I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
