You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
