I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
two words...techno handjob
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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