Taylor Swift is so right about you.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
