We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
