If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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