my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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