UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
