So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I think people are normalizing furries
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
