We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
