For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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