I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
