Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
