I'm drive I can fine osifer
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Acid is not a monday night drug
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
