yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
