Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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