Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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