...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
be right there i have to get my cape
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
