bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he fucked my hip out of place.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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