Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
