I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Everyone says I win the strip club
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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