So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
