I'm lost and stupid without you.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
