I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I cockslap morals
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Randomize
