a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
