So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
