I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
