he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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