An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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