After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
he laminated a picture of his dick.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
