You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
