I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
