Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
