turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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