There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
