you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
