I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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