lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
