Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
