I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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