Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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