If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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