my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
