guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
