Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
After last night, I could never be a politician.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
