there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
