you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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