Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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