I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
