I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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