Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
