i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
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