my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
