Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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