An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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