It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
