I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
