I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
