My balls are so social today.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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