He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
