Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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