I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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