And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
